Tapas Bar

This is it. The year I will turn thirty.  A strange concept, considering I never thought I would live past eighteen. Here I am, no closer to where I thought I would be and no farther away either. The truth is, I had no true idea of what I wanted to do with my life. All I knew is that I wanted to do something “big”.  Honestly, I haven’t done anything big. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t accomplished anything.

            I remember over the years, I figured that if I accomplished something big, that it would make me worth something. I began to have a Savior Complex. I believed it was my job to save the world. Yes, I’ve tried. It was just this last week that it finally hit me that it wasn’t my job.  So then what is it that I am to do?

            I think part of my pursuit of doing something big meant that I have always been in search of what I am good at. I used to look at my siblings and see the things that they were good at and be jealous.  It seemed that everything that I was good at one of them could do better. I even began burping; yes burping, just because it was something I thought I was better at. Took a little while to break that habit.  My joke was that they were dipped in the gene pool and I was dunked. I have told people that to this day.

            This is the year that ends. I may not be really good at one thing or even pretty good at a few things, but I am even better at being average at a lot of things.  I finally have peace. After 29 years, I am perfectly fine having a small amount of talent in multiple areas. I am like a Tapas Bar.  I am not meant to do some big astronomical earth shattering feat such as solve world hunger, end the AIDS epidemic, stop relationship violence or invent an alternative fuel source. I am here on this earth to do small acts that make a difference in the people’s lives that I meet day to day. As I do these, I will be a few steps closer to the person I was meant to be. I will be a Tapas Bar.